As I ponder the current situation I'm in (working full time and going to school part time), I have to weed through current the minor discomforts and brush out the tangles before I'm really able to see the beauty of this situation. If you've known me for quite some time, you've probably heard me grumble and complain about how I have to work full time and go to school part time and how "it's going to take FOREVER to get my degree." First things first - that attitude is NOT glorifying to Christ. I need to change that...pronto.
Over the past few weeks, I've been assessing my health situation. If all these tests and everything come back clear, I will have to attribute the things I'm dealing with to my crazy, hectic schedule and will need to make some major modifications. Commence the brushing. As I ponder the timing of all of this, I am STRUCK by how perfect it is. Had I been dealing with these issues in the magnitude a year ago, I would have been in a worse situation. In my former position there was no option for working part time. The current position I'm in allows me to work part time - though I'd have to pay more for benefits...big deal. The Good: I keep my Gov position (one that I KNOW God led me to and provided SPECIFICALLY FOR ME), I keep my clearance, I keep my benefits AND I believe they will still pay for school. The Bad: I will have to pick up other part time work to supplement the income I lose. The Goal: Be back in school Full time by Fall. My position is designed for me to go to school and my job has to be flexible with that. The other awesome thing is that all the pressures I feel are SELF MADE. No one is pressuring me at work about anything. I am pressuring myself about everything, ensnaring myself in the lies of the Enemy that I'm not doing a good enough job. That I need to do more. In truth, I should be investing time in the relationships with the people I work for and with, creating a good rapport. I shouldn't be so focused on How many things I can accomplish in a short amount of time. All of these medical and health issues are also a beautiful reminder that we only live once and it's how we live it that matters, not how many promotions we can get or how much money we make. The more we grind ourselves into the dust working so hard for materialistic things, the more it takes a toll on us mentally and physically. These are by far not even close to the best years of my life, but I kind of want to make to those years in one piece and not dependent on medicines to even function. God has lead me thus far and I still feel him leading. I believe He wants me to be in school and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.
I'm praying for you! It's so encouraging to hear how, even in the midst of a struggle, you're actively striving to rely and bring glory to Jesus. I'm so proud of you and I'll keep praying that God continues to give you strength and that He gives you wisdom and brings healing.
ReplyDeleteLove you!