Words - the food of Love? How about a Language of Love...

I've been thinking about words lately. How words are the building blocks to an acquaintance, a friendship, relationship - well, you get what I'm saying. Sometimes I think words are also like foods. They (the bad foods) can tear us down internally and externally and the good foods can build up up and make us feel great. Imagine that you have a cupboard, full of words. And every morning, you go to pick out your words for the day. Let's assume that you're having a rough week and you go straight for the complaining words (junk food, confort foods), the ones that don't bring out the positive aspects of the situation. Or maybe you/re mad at someone - they've done you wrong and so you choose biting words (foods that taste just awful). Ones that make you feel better but don't necessarily help the situation. Or, you're having a great day and you go straight for the good foods, the ones that make you feel good all over for eating healthy. Well, so it is with our words. 

When we use our words we are essentially expressing thoughts, feelings, emotions. When we are angry we tend to say words and use inflection to convey as such. When we are sad…when we are happy... and so the pattern continues.

If you have ever read “the Five love languages” by Dr. Chapman, you will find that “words of affirmation” are considered one of the “love languages”. When I first read the book, I was struck with how accurate the solution seemed. Find somebody’s love language and when you love them in that way all your problems will disappear. You know what I found out? That’s not the case. Just as with any language, there are many dialects that come with it. The same is true for Love languages.

Words are so powerful to me. I am realizing that now. That I will move heaven and earth if you give me the right affirmation for it. But say two wrongs things and you will have an emotional mess on your hands. I am often struck at how at certain times, when we need it the most, the Holy Spirit will allow Scripture to be recalled to our minds. Tonight’s was: 1^st Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” 

Recently, I acted like a child with my words. I reverted to how I used to deal with tough situations as a child. When my mom would come to me and say “Catherine, you did something wrong”, it was like a knife slicing through my heart. Not because she meant it that way, but because words have such an impact on me. The other night was very much the same. I know I could have handled it better. But It is so difficult when words, though not meant cruelly, feel like they are piercing you right and left. I didn't know how to deal with the situation, other than to shut down and mentally resolve to NEVER do anything of the like EVER again (note for clarification: I didn't do anything dreadful, just made wrong assumptions based on miscommunication). Not because I realized I was in the wrong…but because I never wanted to encounter a situation like that again. 

 I will never forget the time we were doing yard work and I pulled up a root which I thought was a weed. Evidently it was a plant that my dad has been tending to. When he saw me with the root in my hand, he exclaimed “Catherine! What are you doing?! I can’t believe you just pulled that up! I was tending to that plant!” and he shook his head in disgust and I felt about 2 cm tall. I mumbled an apology and I went inside the house and cried. I was sorry for what I had done. I surely didn't mean to, I had no malicious intent…but my dad’s words made me feel even worse. I went back outside and tried to apologize buy couldn't because of the lump in my throat. I’m sure my dad doesn't remember the incident…but I do.

And so it is with words and me. They can build me up, or tear me down. They flow within me constantly, always in my head. When I get an inspiration, it is like the words just flow from my fingertips. I can hardly keep up with them. Then there are times when words fail me.

I wonder if words are my vice. If I have finally found that piece of character that really needs refining. Because it is painful. I don’t mind criticism. Don’t get me wrong. If there is a part of my character that needs to be looked at, I will, hopefully humbly, receive what someone has to say to me. But when it’s a direct “you did this wrong”  there is something about that phrase, whether spoken or implied that just cuts me to the core. I can’t explain it. And the only way I know how to deal with it is to, like I said, never tread down that particular path again.

Why is it that I have such a hard time with that? And why is it that I react so childishly to it? Is it because I never learned any other way to deal with it? Is this something I’m stuck with for life? I definitely don’t like this aspect of myself. I also get hung up on the “well, I’m doing this for you so you should be doing this for me”. But that too, in and of itself, is selfish. It’s a very inward perspective. When I realize these things about myself, I feel so wretched, so dirty, so unworthy. I hate who I am and I desperately wish I could turn back time and take back those times, those instances so I wouldn't be plagued with the memory of them now. But I can’t. And if I could, there would be no reason for Grace. See, if we could magically erase all the stupid things we've said or done, or go back and change the past, then there would have been no need for Jesus to die on the cross. We could make our lives what we want them to look like, rather than face them for what they are. I don’t like my sins, I don’t like how it makes me feel, but it is a good (albeit painful) reminder of how desperately I need a Savior. And how immeasurable His grace is. And that it is ALWAYS there, any time I need it. All I need to do is to be humble enough to ask for it.