Take Every Thought Captive

Have I mentioned I hate tests?? I don't mind them so much mid semester, but as the end of the semester sets in I really start to dread them. It gets so bad that I keep myself awake at night just thinking about all the studying I have to do. The last two nights have been anything but restful sleep. It is now affecting me dreadfully today. When my alarms went off, I mentally called out. But Here I am at my desk. And I cannot motivate myself to do any homework. That sad thing is, I know I am capable of doing well on these tests. But I can't get myself motivated. So last night, I was tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I even went to bed at 9PM. But 11:30 I was still up.

Sometimes when this happens, I fight through it and make myself relax. Other times I will turn on the light, pull out my bible and go over some verses I have written down. Here's one of them:

Hebrews 4:15-16

New International Version (NIV)

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are —yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I was thinking last night about this verse and then again this morning. And I wondered if Jesus had any sleepless nights. Then it struck me. Yes, if fact...he did. In the Garden of Gethsemane. How different my situation is from his. I am not going to my death on the cross (though sometimes it does feel like death by Calculus). I am not so anguished that I am sweating blood (though I sure am stressed about it). This morning's Jesus Calling was awesome too. It said that we shouldn't try to comprehend things outside our understanding. We're not made to do so. If we try, we will only realize our futility. We should instead, trust the One who is all knowing and comprehending. In doing so, we tap into the Peace which Passes all understanding. I wish I had remembered this last night. But I am only human and sometimes I cannot see past my problems.  I am thankful for trials like this. It reminds me that I cannot rely on my own strength. If I try to do so, I will find myself exhausted, frustrated and worn out - much like I am now. I wish it were easy to trust. That in a snap of my fingers, I would cast all my cares upon him. That requires me to let go, to ease up on the reigns. Be the strong willed individual that I am, it is hard. But in the end, it is so worth it. We just have to get past our own pride and insecurities before we can enjoy the blessings of letting go and letting God. :)