With Just a Sling and a Stone

It's finally here. Worlds. I've been talking about it for some time now and it's currently staring me in the face. I leave tomorrow and in 3 days, I'll be competing at one of the most prestigious Jiu Jitsu tournaments in the world. Hence the name.

I signed up about a month ago because I hadn't registered for another competition in time. I thought that my team would be going to World's and I'd have an opportunity to prove myself at a high level tournament. It turns out that it's just me and 3 other team mates. The past few weeks have bee torturous - partially because I haven't had the mind set nor motivation to train - but also because I am scared stiff. Some of these competitors have been training for months for this event. They've cut weight, they've conditioned themselves - it's a big deal to them! I've been a Blue Belt for less than 6 months - some of them may have been Blue Belts for years, if not close to Purple Belts. I know the competition will be rough. You might say I'm a little nervous.

But as I sat down with my first cup of coffee this morning, I was immidiately reminded of the story of David and Goliath. The story starts out on the battlefield. The Israelites have been fighting the Philistene army. For forty days, the army of Israel had been taunted by the Philistene champion, who just so happened to be a 9 foot giant. No one from the Israelite army was willing to step forward to fight him. The Israelite king offered his daughter for marriage and tex exemption for the rest of the volunteer's life. Even that could not tempt anyone to take up arms against the Philistene. Then come David - a mere shepherd boy - with no combat experience whatsoever. But what he did have was a strong faith in the Lord who had already delivered him from the hands of a bear and a lion when the had come preying on his flock. So he volunteers to slay the giant. He refuses to wear armament. He uses the weapons he is comfortable with - a sling and 5 stones. What amazes me are the words David says the the giant on the battlefield: "45 Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, 47 and that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord’s and He will give you into our hands.”

All of us face our own personal Goliaths at some point in our lives. They vary in shape and size, but the idea is all the same. The difference is how we approach it. Do you stand before it, quaking in your boots (or in my case today, flip flops)? Or do you stand resolutly, with just a sling and a stone, knowing that you're fully backed by the strength of the Almighty?

While this tournament is most certainly not a life or death situation, it's a cause of worry, fear and all other sorts of emotions that have no business being with me. So today, I choose to be resolute. I choose to step on those mats knowing that He's gotten me this far in Jiu Jitsu. That it's by the talents and gifts He has given me that enable me to compete. I've got my sling and I've got my stones. I'm ready.

Not Your Average Pedicure

Why do I struggle so much with servant-hood? What is it about lowly and seemingly meaningless tasks that I have such a hard time with? I wonder if it's connected with my ego. At work, I find that I can be wrapped up in "that's not my job" statements, or "they don't pay me enough to do that" mentalities. And that is so wrong.

Sometimes at work I will be asked to do something and the person who is asking is not my boss, nor remotely near that level of authority. Sometimes the request is worded in such a way that it just rubs me wrong. My attitude shifts and I immediately transistion into a begruding frame of mind.

Granted, I do think that if someone over steps their bounds that something needs to be said. However, if these small and menial tasks are actually helpful to someone else and only slightly inconvenient for me then I should make every effort to be helpful.

Guess which Bible story came to mind:

John 13: 12 So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord; and [b]you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. 16 Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. 17 If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

After I pondered this verse, I went ahead and did the tasks that the person had asked of me. It was funny how quick it took and how painless it was. Really not an inconvenience at all. I wish I could keep this state of mind all the time. I wish I were the first person jumping up at an opportunity to serve, regardless of the situation. I'm thankful for moments like these. It brings ti the surface the facets and areas of my character that I wish to spruce up. By God's grace I can do it but it often requires me to look into the mirror and that can be painfully difficult sometimes.

How can you "wash" someone elses feet this week? What is a situation in which you can be a servant?

You Can't Take it with You

Nope. You sure can't. And I'm not sure I'd want to. There are so many things I want to leave behind on this earth when I finally depart from this life. A few trivial things here and there - maybe the mole on my back or the scar next to my right eye. I wouldn't mind not taking them with me to heaven. But what I really can't wait to leave behind is my legacy - how I want to be remembered when I go.

Sitting pinned up on my desk are three pieces of paper. There are many lines of writing - words that did not come from me nor were meant for me. Some of the lines are highlighted because they speak to me. They come from Michael. I remember the first time I read these words. The emotions that they evoked were overwhelming. I remember sitting in my bed, crying. Crying because he had died, Crying because a life so young, so vibrant, was gone...Crying because that's how I wanted to be remembered.

I've never made an impact on someone's life so deeply that it inspired them to change who they are. I've never lived so boldly and fearlessly for something I stand for and believe in. I've always been comfortable in my little shell, happy and content in my own little routine.

What if there's more to life than living in a shell? What if the world stretches beyond the small community you've grown accustomed to all your life? What if there are bigger and better things and more people to meet?

I aspire to be the kind of person who is known for living passionately. I want to be remembered as the person who was there in a time of need and always ready to be a friend. I strive to be the best person I can be with the talents and gifts that I have been blessed with.

So if you can't take it with you, what is it you want to leave behind?

Raising the WHite Flag

When is it time to raise the White Flag? When is it time to surrender?What are you surrendering? Are you surrendering your hopes and dreams for the time being? Are you surrendering your will to that of God's? Are you giving up?

I often find myself marveling at the wondrousness of our God and His timing. Every aspect of my life has worked out in such a way that it can't be attributed to anything else other than the Mighty Hand of God. I was thinking today about my job and the current benefits I enjoy because of it. My summer class just got paid for, and not by me. Whereas, once I might have taken out a loan, or scrimped and save for a couple months, now I just e-mail the class information and viola! It's paid for. It's that easy. And the cool part is that I will not owe any time once my degree is complete. I would like to stay with NAVSEA for at least a little while, but if God calls me elsewhere then that's where I'll go. But I look back on my job and the decisions I had to make to get there. I had to surrender my will for myself and my hopes and dreams for the prospect of a job that didn't seem like what I needed, or even wanted. Thankfully, someone who knows what's best for me intervened. The past few months have been incredible. Not only have I learned so much, but I'm being entrusted with projects that are above and beyond my scope as an intern. These projects are getting high recognition and are creating an excellent base for a resume once I have a degree to attach along with it.

Going back to surrender. What does it mean to surrender? I may have written a blog post about this a while back but it's something that's been on my heart for a while now.

Surrender - v. a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand

This is the current meaning of the word surrender as per dictionary.com. But I think the Bible means it in a different tone entirely. When I think of the word surrender, I think of a gentle submission to the will of God. Meaning that we lay our burdens, hope, fears, dreams etc at His feet as a silent way of saying our lives are His and subject to His will. While that may have a domineering undertone, I certainly don't mean it as such. Sometimes surrender can be as simple as quickly giving the situation over to God...sometimes I also think that surrender can the slowly lifting up your hands, head bowed, tears flowing, offering the "Isaac" of our lives. Something that is so precious and dear, yet consecrated to the Will of God. What we seem to forget, or maybe not realize, is that God's plans all have purpose. We can make timelines for ourselves, for where we think our lives are going and then throw a tantrum when it doesn't go our way. But we forget that maybe our timeline isn't the one that God has in mind for us.. and the more our minds are open to that way of thinking, the easier it is to accept when things don't go our way. I am by no means perfect in this area. I've certainly had my throw of tantrums. But with each tantrum comes that still soft voice reminding me of all the ways He has worked in my life and that it will be ok. I feel closer to Him when I trust him with these precious areas of my life and this trust grows and solidifies when I see the results that are far more wonderful than I could have imagined.

So what's the "Isaac" in your life? What's your white flag that you have to raise? How are you going to surrender it, if you feel that's what you're being called to do? And how will your attitude affect those around you? Will they see the light of Christ shining through? These are all questions I have asked and continue to ask of myself. When I go through rough spots in my life, I want people to see Christ through me - through my actions and through my words. I deeply desire to be a beacon for Christ and I'm afraid that my attitude often reflects the opposite. I let my mood affect my actions and words. I allow negativity to darken the good in these hard situations. But I'm also human and I can't fix these flaws by myself. That's when the immeasurable grace of God kicks in and is able to carry us when we cannot stand any longer. The more we rely on that Grace and Strength that is not our own, the more we're able to look at whatever the situation might be through the eyes of Christ instead of our fallible human ones. I've posted it once and I'll post it again but the following is a collection of verses that have been so poingent for the last several months of my life. I added a couple more about a month ago and I think I'll keep adding onto it ad God places them on my heart.

"Be still, and know that I am God;  For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.  But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

I still love those word:  Be Still. Cease Striving. Stop Wrestling. BE quiet. And KNOW that I AM GOD. Take comfort that He knows what He's doing, He has our best interests at heart and He will never fail us nor forsake us. What a Mighty God we Serve!

Daughter of the King

Growing up I had many nicknames: Binkie, Ruder Girl, Lovie, Wubbie. Each and every one of them had their own special meaning an origin. Some of them started with one version and after one sibling couldn't pronounce it, a new one was formed. I've always love my nicknames. Even though my siblings make fun of me for them sometimes, I've enjoyed each stage of life that the nickname represents. I particularly like "Wubbie". It's a special name that my dad still calls me (to this day and I'm 24!). When he calls me Wubbie, I know that he is speaking with as much endearment and affection that a father can bestow upon a daughter. I feel loved and often reminds me of times we had when I was much smaller, reading books or just talking about life. The word resonates with joy and happiness with being a daughter dearly loved by her father. As I thought about this today, I was also struck by the thought that I am also the Daughter of the King. A Heavenly Father who loved me even before I was a thought in my parent's minds. I thought about the names that God bestows upon His children in the Bible. One that came to mind was "Beloved". The Greek word is Agapetos which means beloved, esteemed, dear, favorite, worthy of love. Wow. All those powerful words smooshed into one.

In the New American Standard Bible, the word is use 60 times in the New Testament. I marvel at the choice of word. As children of God, we are unconditionally love by Him. Why? Not because we have done anything to deserve it, but because He has chosen to love us. He esteems us. We are dear to him. We are his favorite (yes, all of us) and best of all, we are worth of His love. Again, not because of anything we have done but because the Blood of the Lamb covers all transgressions and makes us blameless in His sight. What a powerful feeling. And nothing, neither heights not depths, nor anything in this world can separate us from that love.

I'm fascinated by the comparison between my earthly Father and my Heavenly Father. My Dad loves me unconditionally - always has and always will. I know that if I ever needed a hug from my daddy he would be there to give it to me. And in the same way, our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally. No matter what, he brings us back to himself, even when we screw up. His love is never failing and the magnitude of this amazing gift is something that hadn't struck me until today. What a blessing to be called a Child of God!

"When the waves are taking you under...."

** Disclaimer: This particular blog is going to me made up of mostly ramblings. Kudos to you if you can follow my thought pattern... :) **

"Hold on just a little bit longer, believe me this is gonna make you stonger..."

I love the song "Stronger" by Mandisa. Sometimes I hear it right when I need it the most. 

This week has been good and bad. It's Spring Break which gives me a nice staycation, so to speak, from school and the crazy schedule I've had for the past 2 and a half months. On the other hand, everything that I've put on the back burner has suddenly jumped forth and needs attention. Yesterday, I got so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with decisions that didn't need to be made right then, with consequences that hadn't happened yet and frankly may not happen, with situations and scenarios that I create in my head etc. While it never hurts to be prepared, it's not always a good thing to focus on the "What ifs". I find that my attention is focused on the "what ifs" in life and that's not always a good thing.. It's rather detrimental actually. By focusing on the what ifs and letting worry consume your life, you're ultimately taking your eyes off Jesus and the results are never good. Again and again, I'm reminded that in order to leave a peaceful life, Christ has to be the center of it. No matter what situation you're going through.

I read a quote that in order to be lifted up, you have to first lift someone else up. Going back to being the sunshine in someone else's life.

I also read the purpose driven life once. It seemed to allude that after reading it your purpose would suddenly become clear. I used to think that it would outright tell me: Catherine, your purpose is ______. It didn't.  So what is my purpose? Frankly, I don't know. But, life's questions aren't always answered that easily. I'd like to think it's in ministry somewhere, but I've never delved deep enough into a ministry to find out for sure. It's kind of like college I suppose. Sometimes you start the curriculum for your major and suddenly find out that you really hate the lower level classes. Or maybe that Bio course was just not for you. So you swtich majors, swtich classes until you find something that fits you. I feel so focused on my own life, my own goals and dreams...that I fail to seek or even sieze opportunities to help other people find theirs. I've seen friends give up job security, leave family and friends, move thousands of miles away to serve the Lord in the capacity He has placed in front of them. My question to myself is, would I be strong enough to do that if an opportunity ever presented itself? 

A Little More Than Chocolate Bunnies and Marshmallow Peeps.

Typically, I LOVE holidays. The Holidays, for me, span between Thanksgiving and New Years. The music, the food, the spirit in the air - I love it all!

Well, as it happens, we're coming up on yet another nationally recognized holiday - Easter. When I think Easter, I think bunnies, chocolate, candy, marshmallow peeps, etc (thanks to our society for yet another commercialized holiday!)

In truth, Easter has been my least favorite holiday. This year, it's different. And I know why.

Has someone ever done something profound for you, maybe taking care of a situation where you screwed up, taking the ramifications on themselves? If so, have you thanked them knowing full well it was your fault and you deserved the blame? How about if you kept repeating the same mistake? Would you feel some kind of remorse and shame if you did and they kept accpeting the fall for it? I can most definitely answer yes to some if not all of those questions. It's funny how when we turn a blind eye to our sins and transgressions, we lose sight of significance of Christ's sacrifice. I suppose that's why I never regarded Easter with much more than the typical holiday cheer. Easter has never stirred any emotions in me. Sure, I understood the true meaning of Easter, God sent his Son at Christmas, Jesus died on the Cross at Easter, yaddah yaddah. But in the last six months, I've truly begun to understand the real significance of what the cross and the events that transpired truly mean to Christians.

So, I take the questions I asked in the beginning and reverse them. Have you ever done something profound for someone else, taking the blame when it was their fault? Have they thanked you, knowing it was their fault and they deserved the blame? Did they keep repeating the same mistake?

When I answer the second set of questions, my responses are pretty much "No"...and that saddens me. I'm filled with remorse because He died to set me free, taking all the blame that should have been mine. That I live a life where I don't need to do anything to earn forgiveness because the price has already been paid. That my sins are nailed to the cross and I bear them no more. I don't know what it's like to accept responsibility and blame because of someone else's mistake. In our human nature, it's our natural reaction to pass the torch so to speak. We don't want to be held responsible if it means getting in trouble. How opposite that is from Christ's actions. He meekly took our place, God's wrath and shame upon himself.

I was thinking about that last night...I remember my blog posts about how I was craving forgiveness and how wretched I felt...and the complete transformation of my life simply by picking up my cross and following him. It hasn't been easy but it has been by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life.

So, my challenge, for myself and anyone reading this: take a minute (or more) to ponder the significance of the cross and what it means. Thank Him for sending His Son so that we might be free. Thank Christ for bearing the burden and shame that should have been ours.

One of my favorite illustrations of this is the one from Pilgrim's Progress. My parents bought us a book based off of Pilgrim's Progress called Dangerous Journey and it had AWESOME illustrations. The scene at the cross sticks out in my memory the most. Christian is on his way to the Celestial City. On the way he has dealt with many ordeals - all with this terrible burden on his back. The artist does and amazing job of rendering that burden. It look heavys, it looks uncomfortable - not my idea of a great backpacking trip! When Christian come upon the cross, something amazing happens. His burden falls off and he is set free. Not only that but the burden rolls into a tomb and he never sees it again. The angels that appear to him give him a scroll that assures his entrance into the Celestial City. If that isn't an accurate representation of what it means to become a Christian than I don't know what is. Our burdens are forever in the tomb, sealed with Jesus when He was buried. His sacrifice gave us the free gift of eternal life - our assurance of entrance into His eternal Kingdom. That's the reason for Easter - celebration of His Life, His death, His Resurrection - without it, we would be living in a meaningless existence, with no hope of salvation.