Where is your hope built?

"If any man, come after me, let him deny himself, pick up his cross and follow Me into life eternally. Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Jesus, He is the way truth and life"

The above song was a little ditty from some tapes my siblings and I used to listen to when we were kids. It was from Paslty the singing song book. Little catchy tunes that effectively transcribed the truths from the Bible. We had almost every tape memorized. For whatever reason, this particular one got stuck in my head today and I was suddenly struck by it's significance. Of course, Jesus isn't talking about a literal cross. Rather, he is talking about the burdens we bear in this human life. Even when we surrender our lives to him and the burden of sin falls off, we're still left with the burden of our humanity. We sin, we make mistakes - but the grace of God covers all of that as along as we realize what we've done and ask for forgiveness. So what does it mean to "pick up your cross"? Simply put, I think it means that as we follow Jesus, we're lugging along our whole kit and caboodle of faults, character flaws, you name it! But in the shadow of the cross, we can be reminded that all has been forgiven. Our sins are nailed to the cross, right where they should be, and that's where they'll stay after we depart this life. For now, we have to drag them around a bit and we're painfully reminded of them from time to time. But there's hope for us - a hope that is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

From 3 years ago..

I wrote this note almost 3 years ago and its truth is atill applicable today.

"I do a lot of thinking...My thought flow is about a million miles an hour. One of those thousands of thoughts keeps coming up in various situations. Whether I am talking to someone or it appears in my own life, I constantly see this lesson.

Each day I get caught up in the moment, the hour. I forget how precious life is and how it is not garunteed to us. I feel that I am like Martha, in the book of Luke. I am so worried about the hustle and bustle that I "do not have time" for anything else. Even sitting at the feet our Our Savior falls by the wayside.

Luke 10 says, "She [Martha] had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord's feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said 'Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to halp me.' But the Lord answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many thing; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her"

What a blessing these verses are! This is Jesus Christ gently reminding Martha that while being industrious and a good housekeeper are wonderful things, they do not rank as high as sitting at His feet and listening to His words. Sometimes we go through life so fast that God has to throw a brick at us to get out attention. And sometimes those bricks HURT! In some cases, those bricks come in the form of cinder blocks =) The point is focus on what really matters. Material things come and go..flowers will fade and the grass will wither but the Word of God remains forever."

My Insane Monday

I started Insanity this week. Rather, I've joined someone else who is already doing it. In fact they enjoyed it so much the first go-round, they're doing it again. I got invited to join. So on Monday, I show up at 5:45 with my US grappling T-shirt on.. Yeah, I'm ready to go.  We're in a racquet ball room because there's really no other good space to do this work out in and the room is echo-y...and my shoes squeak if I drag my toes. No big deal - it's a workout...I'm excited to be doing anything at all. So the video starts and SOMEWHERE along the line, I missed the part where it said "Warm-up". So I'm pushing myself. I get like that sometimes.. if someone else is working out with me, it's like the competition switch gets flipped on. so I'm doing the knee raises, the side lunges, the jumps like there's no tomorrow. And I'm feeling good...getting tired, but good. After about three rounds of 5-6 exercises, the routine stops and we do some stretching. I've broken a sweat and my heart is racing. But I can't help but think in the back of my mind: "That was it??". We finish the stretching and I see Glen running to get a drink of water...and the video hasn't stopped. The realization sets in. That was ONLY the warm up.   OOPS. At this moment two things happened: My heart sank and my thighs said "oh crap". And "oh crap" was right. I have never had such an intense cardio workout. Though I can honestly say that Jiu Jitsu prepared me well for this workout... Needless to say I still pushed it through the next agonizing 30 minutes. But I finished it...and I felt like a champ. And the after workout shower has never felt so good. Bring it on Insanity!

Yes, I did just use a Spiderman analogy...

I recently saw Spiderman 3 for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I had no idea of the plot - only that Harry turns out to be Gobby Jr (as Tobey Maguire's character calls him) and that Spiderman faces a couple of other nemesis, including one that is a back suited version of himself. Upon watching the movie, I was almost disgusted when the black sticky thingy manifested itself onto Peter Parker's body, transforming him into a much darker character. It gave me the willies seeing the sticky mass  of goo flopping over the floor and up the bed and consuming Peter Parker.

It reminded me of the sin in our lives. How sin is malleable and can transform even the best person into the worst of people. Just as the "new' Peter Parker discovered, the longer he wore the suit, the harder it was to get rid of it. It started out small but eventually grew bigger and bigger to the point where it consumed him. He felt good, invincible. In a way, sin has the same effect. We don't really realize we're doing it until it confronts us in the face. And the longer we resist changing our behavior, the harder it becomes to rid ourselves of it. In the end of the movie it took a monumental effort for Peter Parker to get rid of the new skin. The sin didn't just go away. It found a new host. And this particular character had a lot of hate in his heart. The messy blob latched right on to that and the character became totally evil. He succumbed to the nature of the parasite that got him. Sin is the same way. If we have unresolved anger, bitterness, conflicts - you name it - in our lives, the sin latches on to it. It can make us completely unrecognizable.

That's where Christ comes in. We can't rid ourselves of the sin in our lives. Jesus died on the cross to enable us to have the free gift of salvation. But that does not mean we are perfect, or sinless or without blame. We have to work that much harder because we now recognize the hopeless situation we are in. That without that saving Grace we are forever stuck with that messy blob that sin creates. One way to combat this it to constantly stay in the Word. I have rediscovered this recently. It's not enough to read a couple verses a day - we have to immerse ourselves in it. If we cannot arm ourselves with the weapons He has provided, we are defenseless and it is easy to succumb to the temptations of sin in the world. It's amazing how quickly we can slip away when we let other things take priority to spending time in the Word.   We have to make God our #1. If He is not our main focus, if we are not living for him, then we are walking a fine line and that is a dangerous place to be. Make Christ your focus, spend time in the Word and He will make your path straight.   :)

Giving Life to save a life

I like to donate blood. I can't say that I enjoy the process thought by any means. It's a lengthy process, at least here on the Navy Yard. If you're not the first one lined up, it could take upwards of an hour and a half. I'm always amazed at how many people you will find at a blood drive. Especially the ones who do it on a regular basis. Sometimes, the people are known by name because they come so often. I'll never forget the first time I gave blood. I was nervous, not knowing what to expect. I went through the prescreening, found out my blood pressure,  my temperature and my iron levels. Then I sat in a room and waited for my interview. The process took a lot longer than I expected. After the interview I went to go wait to be assigned a chair. I got to chair to have my left arm stabbed. The phlebotomist looked at my left arm, felt for a vein, then went to my right arm and felt for my vein again. He said I had a better vein in my right arm and, since it was my first time, he recommended that I wait for a chair with a right arm donation. I went to the next available chair and the phlebotomist was Mr. Personality. It was like talking to a wall. He prepped my arm and got ready to stick the needle in my arm. I decided to look. Big mistake. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of needles. I just don't like looking as it's being shoved into my skin. And the size of that needle was bigger and any butterfly needle I had ever seen. So he sticks me and I'm fascinated as I see the bags filling up. It really is a cool process. He placed a squeeze ball in my hand and told me to gently squeeze every 5-10 seconds. Me, being the over achiever than I am sometimes, was happily squeezing the ball about every 1-2 seconds. At one point, it looked like the flow had stopped and so he shoved the needle further up into my vein. During this time, I was beginning to feel cold and clammy. I'm pretty sure I paled. He looked at me, asked if I was alright and when I said no, he immediately got out an ice pack, tilted my chair back and placed the ice pack on the back of my head. He asked if I wanted to continue the donation and I said yes. After he finished up, he informed me that I had to sit in the chair for about 10 minutes before I could get up. So I sat there and I could already see the bruise forming on my arm form when the needle had been shoved up into my vein. Needless to say I have a bruise for weeks afterwards. I walked away and said I would never donate blood again. Since then I have donated about 4-5 times. I realized that it was a momentary light affliction and that there are other people (soldiers in fact) who may need this donation.

As always with my ramblings, I am taking this story and seeing how I can apply it to my own life through Christ's example. His Blood wasn't a donation - if was a gift, a free gift. And he went willingly and put up with a lot more than a needle prick. If you hear advertisements for blood centers, you'll often hear how there is a blood shortage as well and so donors are needed more than ever. But with Jesus, there is no shortage of his mercy and grace - which we so desperately need - and are provided through the blood he shed. Just like people willingly line up to donate a pint of their blood for our troops, Jesus willingly went to the cross to offer up his life for us, so that we could gain eternal life through him.

Take Every Thought Captive

Have I mentioned I hate tests?? I don't mind them so much mid semester, but as the end of the semester sets in I really start to dread them. It gets so bad that I keep myself awake at night just thinking about all the studying I have to do. The last two nights have been anything but restful sleep. It is now affecting me dreadfully today. When my alarms went off, I mentally called out. But Here I am at my desk. And I cannot motivate myself to do any homework. That sad thing is, I know I am capable of doing well on these tests. But I can't get myself motivated. So last night, I was tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I even went to bed at 9PM. But 11:30 I was still up.

Sometimes when this happens, I fight through it and make myself relax. Other times I will turn on the light, pull out my bible and go over some verses I have written down. Here's one of them:

Hebrews 4:15-16

New International Version (NIV)

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are —yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I was thinking last night about this verse and then again this morning. And I wondered if Jesus had any sleepless nights. Then it struck me. Yes, if fact...he did. In the Garden of Gethsemane. How different my situation is from his. I am not going to my death on the cross (though sometimes it does feel like death by Calculus). I am not so anguished that I am sweating blood (though I sure am stressed about it). This morning's Jesus Calling was awesome too. It said that we shouldn't try to comprehend things outside our understanding. We're not made to do so. If we try, we will only realize our futility. We should instead, trust the One who is all knowing and comprehending. In doing so, we tap into the Peace which Passes all understanding. I wish I had remembered this last night. But I am only human and sometimes I cannot see past my problems.  I am thankful for trials like this. It reminds me that I cannot rely on my own strength. If I try to do so, I will find myself exhausted, frustrated and worn out - much like I am now. I wish it were easy to trust. That in a snap of my fingers, I would cast all my cares upon him. That requires me to let go, to ease up on the reigns. Be the strong willed individual that I am, it is hard. But in the end, it is so worth it. We just have to get past our own pride and insecurities before we can enjoy the blessings of letting go and letting God. :)

Day 10 of my 90-day challenge

I decided to challenge myself. I want to lose 20 lbs in 90 days. I think it's doable. Very doable. I just need the motivation and the will to succeed. So I think I will track my progress here. I'm not doing P90x or anything. As much as I like those programs I don't think I would want to carry on after the 90 days is over. The goal of this challenge is to incorporate fitness into my everyday lifestyle, regardless of how I feel. I will mentally challenge myself to do things I never thought possible. I will pay closer attention to my eating habits, portion sizes and really focus on what I am putting into my body.

So within the past 2 months, I can easily say I've put on a few pounds. It's mostly from decreasing the amount of exercise I've been getting while not changing the amount of calories I'm consuming. Also enter into the equation a new relationship and you have the perfect mix for a little additional cushioning around the middle. :)

So how am I going to achieve this weight loss goal?  Well for one, I WILL NOT be consuming lots of celery - blech. Instead I will exercise at least 6 times a week, maybe reserving that last day of yoga or easy stretching. I will also ensure that I eat smaller portions and not late at night. More veggies, less carbs etc. More tea, less coffee. I will also incorporate a lot of prayer. A LOT of prayer...and support from my family and friends who know about this journey. I will pray before every exercise session - because it's through Him that I am able to exercise at all. 

The hard part:

I've always loved food. I'm an emotional eater and there's nothing I love better then to sit on the couch with a tub of ice cream and a spoon. Food makes me feel better. But I cannot let that happen anymore. Even in the Bible, it says that we are not to rely on food in that way.

Deuteronomy 8:3

3 So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.

And again:

Luke 4:4

4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.

So my prayer is that I will gain an awareness to the priority I place on food. That I will not rely on it for my emotional comfort. That I will see and value exercise as an alternative means of feeling better.

I love exercise - don't get me wrong. But if my choices are a nap or a run - most times I choose a nap. Yesterday I went for a run and I felt so much better. My prayer is that I will maintain this motivated attitude and that I will continue down this path. I don't want to be unhealthy. But I want to feel good about myself, knowing that I'm not only working on the outside, but also on my character through this goal.

So, day 10: I ran about 3 miles yesterday, about 4.25 miles on Sunday. Maybe 2 miles on Friday night. Today I will run and go to Jiu Jitsu.

Weight: (on my scale) 163 and change. Other scales put me as higher..but I'll see if I can calibrate that number. :)

I won't be posting every day, but I will try to update at least once a week or so. Maybe twice. I will log the exercise I have done and the weight number. As people tell me, it's just a number. I unfortunately have always defined myself by my weight. That ends today. I give it to God because without Him, I really can't do anything about it anyway. Soli Deo Gloria!