Giving Life to save a life

I like to donate blood. I can't say that I enjoy the process thought by any means. It's a lengthy process, at least here on the Navy Yard. If you're not the first one lined up, it could take upwards of an hour and a half. I'm always amazed at how many people you will find at a blood drive. Especially the ones who do it on a regular basis. Sometimes, the people are known by name because they come so often. I'll never forget the first time I gave blood. I was nervous, not knowing what to expect. I went through the prescreening, found out my blood pressure,  my temperature and my iron levels. Then I sat in a room and waited for my interview. The process took a lot longer than I expected. After the interview I went to go wait to be assigned a chair. I got to chair to have my left arm stabbed. The phlebotomist looked at my left arm, felt for a vein, then went to my right arm and felt for my vein again. He said I had a better vein in my right arm and, since it was my first time, he recommended that I wait for a chair with a right arm donation. I went to the next available chair and the phlebotomist was Mr. Personality. It was like talking to a wall. He prepped my arm and got ready to stick the needle in my arm. I decided to look. Big mistake. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of needles. I just don't like looking as it's being shoved into my skin. And the size of that needle was bigger and any butterfly needle I had ever seen. So he sticks me and I'm fascinated as I see the bags filling up. It really is a cool process. He placed a squeeze ball in my hand and told me to gently squeeze every 5-10 seconds. Me, being the over achiever than I am sometimes, was happily squeezing the ball about every 1-2 seconds. At one point, it looked like the flow had stopped and so he shoved the needle further up into my vein. During this time, I was beginning to feel cold and clammy. I'm pretty sure I paled. He looked at me, asked if I was alright and when I said no, he immediately got out an ice pack, tilted my chair back and placed the ice pack on the back of my head. He asked if I wanted to continue the donation and I said yes. After he finished up, he informed me that I had to sit in the chair for about 10 minutes before I could get up. So I sat there and I could already see the bruise forming on my arm form when the needle had been shoved up into my vein. Needless to say I have a bruise for weeks afterwards. I walked away and said I would never donate blood again. Since then I have donated about 4-5 times. I realized that it was a momentary light affliction and that there are other people (soldiers in fact) who may need this donation.

As always with my ramblings, I am taking this story and seeing how I can apply it to my own life through Christ's example. His Blood wasn't a donation - if was a gift, a free gift. And he went willingly and put up with a lot more than a needle prick. If you hear advertisements for blood centers, you'll often hear how there is a blood shortage as well and so donors are needed more than ever. But with Jesus, there is no shortage of his mercy and grace - which we so desperately need - and are provided through the blood he shed. Just like people willingly line up to donate a pint of their blood for our troops, Jesus willingly went to the cross to offer up his life for us, so that we could gain eternal life through him.

Take Every Thought Captive

Have I mentioned I hate tests?? I don't mind them so much mid semester, but as the end of the semester sets in I really start to dread them. It gets so bad that I keep myself awake at night just thinking about all the studying I have to do. The last two nights have been anything but restful sleep. It is now affecting me dreadfully today. When my alarms went off, I mentally called out. But Here I am at my desk. And I cannot motivate myself to do any homework. That sad thing is, I know I am capable of doing well on these tests. But I can't get myself motivated. So last night, I was tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. I even went to bed at 9PM. But 11:30 I was still up.

Sometimes when this happens, I fight through it and make myself relax. Other times I will turn on the light, pull out my bible and go over some verses I have written down. Here's one of them:

Hebrews 4:15-16

New International Version (NIV)

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are —yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I was thinking last night about this verse and then again this morning. And I wondered if Jesus had any sleepless nights. Then it struck me. Yes, if fact...he did. In the Garden of Gethsemane. How different my situation is from his. I am not going to my death on the cross (though sometimes it does feel like death by Calculus). I am not so anguished that I am sweating blood (though I sure am stressed about it). This morning's Jesus Calling was awesome too. It said that we shouldn't try to comprehend things outside our understanding. We're not made to do so. If we try, we will only realize our futility. We should instead, trust the One who is all knowing and comprehending. In doing so, we tap into the Peace which Passes all understanding. I wish I had remembered this last night. But I am only human and sometimes I cannot see past my problems.  I am thankful for trials like this. It reminds me that I cannot rely on my own strength. If I try to do so, I will find myself exhausted, frustrated and worn out - much like I am now. I wish it were easy to trust. That in a snap of my fingers, I would cast all my cares upon him. That requires me to let go, to ease up on the reigns. Be the strong willed individual that I am, it is hard. But in the end, it is so worth it. We just have to get past our own pride and insecurities before we can enjoy the blessings of letting go and letting God. :)

Day 10 of my 90-day challenge

I decided to challenge myself. I want to lose 20 lbs in 90 days. I think it's doable. Very doable. I just need the motivation and the will to succeed. So I think I will track my progress here. I'm not doing P90x or anything. As much as I like those programs I don't think I would want to carry on after the 90 days is over. The goal of this challenge is to incorporate fitness into my everyday lifestyle, regardless of how I feel. I will mentally challenge myself to do things I never thought possible. I will pay closer attention to my eating habits, portion sizes and really focus on what I am putting into my body.

So within the past 2 months, I can easily say I've put on a few pounds. It's mostly from decreasing the amount of exercise I've been getting while not changing the amount of calories I'm consuming. Also enter into the equation a new relationship and you have the perfect mix for a little additional cushioning around the middle. :)

So how am I going to achieve this weight loss goal?  Well for one, I WILL NOT be consuming lots of celery - blech. Instead I will exercise at least 6 times a week, maybe reserving that last day of yoga or easy stretching. I will also ensure that I eat smaller portions and not late at night. More veggies, less carbs etc. More tea, less coffee. I will also incorporate a lot of prayer. A LOT of prayer...and support from my family and friends who know about this journey. I will pray before every exercise session - because it's through Him that I am able to exercise at all. 

The hard part:

I've always loved food. I'm an emotional eater and there's nothing I love better then to sit on the couch with a tub of ice cream and a spoon. Food makes me feel better. But I cannot let that happen anymore. Even in the Bible, it says that we are not to rely on food in that way.

Deuteronomy 8:3

3 So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.

And again:

Luke 4:4

4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.

So my prayer is that I will gain an awareness to the priority I place on food. That I will not rely on it for my emotional comfort. That I will see and value exercise as an alternative means of feeling better.

I love exercise - don't get me wrong. But if my choices are a nap or a run - most times I choose a nap. Yesterday I went for a run and I felt so much better. My prayer is that I will maintain this motivated attitude and that I will continue down this path. I don't want to be unhealthy. But I want to feel good about myself, knowing that I'm not only working on the outside, but also on my character through this goal.

So, day 10: I ran about 3 miles yesterday, about 4.25 miles on Sunday. Maybe 2 miles on Friday night. Today I will run and go to Jiu Jitsu.

Weight: (on my scale) 163 and change. Other scales put me as higher..but I'll see if I can calibrate that number. :)

I won't be posting every day, but I will try to update at least once a week or so. Maybe twice. I will log the exercise I have done and the weight number. As people tell me, it's just a number. I unfortunately have always defined myself by my weight. That ends today. I give it to God because without Him, I really can't do anything about it anyway. Soli Deo Gloria!

Getting Down to Brass Tacks....

I don't need to watch the news - there's Facebook. I don't need to call my friends to see how they're doing - there's Facebook. I don't need to hear who broke up with whom or who's going on vacation this weekend - I can read it Facebook. Even though I choose to do all of the above things, mass loads of other information is always readily available on...you guessed it...Facebook.

I am always so tickled by the amount of information I see flowing over my news feed. Especially when there's a major national event. It’s the highlight of the news feed. Today's highlight was the Supreme Court Justice's ruling over the ObamaCare. Truthfully, I do not follow politics and so I had no idea the Court was voting. I only knew about it when I saw a disgruntled post about "liberties and freedoms going bye-bye". It may seem that way - but I think we forget what's really important. No Law - no man made law - is higher than that of the law of God. I am not a politician - I am a civil servant working 40 hours a week collecting a paycheck twice a month. I am not a law maker - I live my life by the morals and values with which I was raised. I am by no means the president - but I do recognize an authority higher than his.

People say our freedoms and liberties are being threatened - so it may seem, but I wonder how different the situation would be if it were our very lives being threatened. See, we live in a country where we complain that we have no money, our debt is through the roof (or the floor, whichever way you choose to look at it) and yet when walking around, it is hard to spot someone who does not have some sort of smart phone or tablet or otherwise expensive electronic device. Our nation also suffers from obesity which is, as I hear, now being viewed as a disease. I'm sorry but weight gain or loss is a simple math equation and you don’t have to be a math genius to figure it out. We, as a country, are by no means suffering from a lack of food or hunger. If we really look at the brass tacks of the situation, we don't really have it that bad. Compare it with a mother in Africa whose only concern is what her children will eat that week or that day - or the young girl who is pregnant because she was raped by a soldier. If we really get to the nitty gritty, we have no concept of life outside of our country. We can't see beyond our running water, electric outlets, flat screen TVs, smart phones and that awesome thing called Facebook which has so quickly consumed our social life.

We worry, we gripe we moan - I admit, I'm as bad as the rest of us. And we forget all the blessings we have been given. We forget from whom those blessings come. We think the world is ending because law makers in DC passed a mandate that we oppose vehemently. So I ask you - in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter? Will you have food on the table this evening? I'm not referring to 2014 when this law will go into place and you'll have to pay more for health insurance - because it's not 2014. It's 2012 - let's deal with today first before we get to tomorrow. So I ask again - will you have food on the table this evening? Will you have AC in your house while it's record breaking heat outside. Will you have a car to get you to and from your destinations? Will you have a paycheck posted to your account in the next two weeks? Is your family well and healthy? Maybe not all of these questions can be answered with a "Yes" but that's not the point. There are only a few things that REALLY truly matter in this life and as Americans we have them in abundance. I just wish that we as a nation could take our eyes off ourselves, stop focusing on what we don't have and instead be thankful for what we do have. Because it could be gone in an instant. There's so much more I could add to this but I shall not. These are simply my ramblings and I will end the thought flow there. One last thought. I remember driving home from a graduation and my sister was in my car. We were driving in a not-so-reliable car, in a torrential down pour and lightening storm. We were both scared stiff. So we turned this song on and sang it as loud as we could, above the noise of the storm. The words that have stuck with me since then (6 years later) are: "God is in Control. We believe that His children will not be forsaken, God is in control. There is no power above or beside Him, we know. God is in control."

So the next time something that seems to shake the very foundations of Facebook with posts, pictures, rants, raves etc... what are you going to do? Follow the crowd and post a status? Or remember that God is in control?

God is in Control - Twila Paris

This is no time for fear

This is a time for faith and determination

Don't lose the vision here

Carried away by emotion

Hold on to all that you hide in your heart

There is one thing that has always been true

It holds the world together

God is in control

We believe that His children will not be forsaken

God is in control

We will choose to remember and never be shaken

There is no power above or beside Him, we know

God is in control, oh God is in control

History marches on

There is a bottom line drawn across the ages

Culture can make its plan

Oh, but the line never changes

No matter how the deception may fly

There is one thing that has always been true

It will be true forever

He has never let you down

Why start to worry now?

He is still the Lord of all we see

And He is still the loving Father

Watching over you and me

Mirror, Mirror

Mirrors can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. They either enhance the features you like, or they can pronounce the ones you're trying to hide. I think it's safe to say that most everyone has a mirror in their house. I have one in my room and often use it to analyze work outfits or seeing how defined my biceps are that day or maybe even when applying make-up.

The funny thing about mirrors is that the farther you're away from it, the more you miss the fine detail. You may see the whole picture but the intricacies are often missed. It's when you are up and close with the mirror that you can truly begin to see things for what they really are. Granted, mirrors are only reflections of the true image but I think it give a pretty accurate representation.

Funny how, for women at least, when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we are our harshest critic: "That dress makes me look fat, these pants are too tight, that shirt hits me on all the wrong places, what was I thinking buying this color etc." The list is endless. Sure - outfits are always changeable but it's often the things that are more difficult to change that bother us the most. "I wish my hair was straight, these love handles won't go away, I wish I had curves here or there, etc."  I feel as if those "hard to change' aspects of our character bother us in the same way...at least for me they do.

While clothes are a necessary addition to life, I sometimes think that they're cover-ups, in a way, to hide imperfection, or the flaws that we perceive in the mirror. Outfits and style are arranged in such a way as to seamlessly make everything cohesive. Much can be said the same of what we do with the flaws that we perceive, or maybe the ones that other point out, in our character.

I had a "mirror" experience recently. Not a literal one. I guess you could say it was a self examination of habits and the way in which I deal with people and situations. And it required me to get up close and personal with myself. My first instinct was to run and hide in my shell to weather the storm - the one in which I hide while I ignore problems and hope they go away and pass me by. It's so easy to ignore the hard things in life instead of facing them. It's much harder to come to grips with the fact that I may have screwed up and need to change my ways or make modifications to the way I have done things. It also means being more aware of situations and being cognizant of the people around me. Something I also have to work on. But I guess that's the beauty of life. It isn't easy. If it were, we'd all be bored. There'd be no ups, no downs, nothing to make it interesting.

I also believe that God bring situations like this across our paths for a couple of reasons. 1) it's His way of molding us into his image - provided we handle the situation correctly. It doesn't do our character any good to hang out in a shell for a while. 2) It gives other believers and non believers the chance to see how one is molded into the image of Christ. When someone truly gives their hearts to Christ, they begin a transformation of shedding the 'old self' and putting on the 'new self'. Watching someone go through this transformation, or a part of this transformation is a beautiful thing. It's a reminder of the power of God that can change a life.

The cool thing about the Christian Walk is that it is not an overnight thing. We don't simply give our hearts to Jesus and the next day wake up to everything being peachy keen. It is hard work. And it's Daily hard work. Much like a new relationship. Everything might be hunky dory for a bit but there will come a time when hard conversations happen and you have to take a good look at yourself.  When that happens, are you going to be willing to do the hard thing, face the aspects about your character that you turn a blind eye to and put in the hard work to make a change? Or are you going to dust off the shell in your closet, climb in and potentially miss the rainbow that comes after the storm?

Of Mice and...Chocolate???

My desk at work is a shared space. Other contractors use my work space when I am not there, since computers are limited. No big deal..until today. I was typing away this morning when I heard scratching noises coming from the drawers immediately to my left. I stopped, paused and listened...and continued what I was doing. The scratching continued. I pushed it out of my mind, thinking I'd eventually figure out what it was. About 30 minutes later, I had to go into my desk drawer for something. I pulled open the top drawer and saw a grey little body perched on the drawer wall. It looked at me and scurried away, over the drawer and into the console. While my eyes got big as saucers and my chair rolled back at least 3 feet,  I was mentally on the other side of the building in less than 5 seconds. Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike mice...per se. As long as they don't bother me, I have no problem with their existence. (I promise, I really am going somewhere with this story). This one though, had crossed the line. What irritated me even more, was that the chocolate the little bugger was munching on had been left by another contractor. Whether they forgot it or were using my desk as their own personal chocolate stashing place, I don't know, but I knew I had to take care of the mouse problem and quickly. The mouse in my desk then immediately became the topic of the row I sit in and it's now been the nonstop conversation of the day. Which made me think of a book I read in High School - Of Mice and Men

I read the book in ninth grade I think. I have always been fascinated with the character of Lennie. He was a very simplistic individual and was often in the company of another character, George. You might call them friends, you might call them travel companions, but the point is their characters intertwine in a very interesting way.

The long and short of their relationship is this: While en route to this new job, Lennie starts talking about his paradise - owning a few acres of land or a farm, being free from having to work and maybe even owning a puppy. Lennie like soft things and likes to pet him. One of his shortcomings is that he has no concept of his own strength. In his attempts to pet soft and cuddly things, like mice, he ends up crushing and killing them. He keeps talking about this dream and eventually pulls George into this fantasy. Once they arrive at the work site and develop relationships with some of the other workers, Lennie's childlike mentality and blind excitement slowly pulls the other men into this dream. Each man suddenly begins to have something new to work for, a hope of a break from the monotony they've known for so long. The author, John Steinbeck, does a great job of setting the climax of the book. Without spoiling the ending, events unfold that set up and inevitable ending for one of the characters. George has to make a choice - a choice that he knows will alter his future forever.

I've certainly left out huge amounts of detail as to George's character because he is most definitely a gruff man, but loyal to Lennie and takes care of him in a way.

I'm often inspired to view the world like Lennie - simplistic, excited, uncomplicated. But I often fear a choice like the one George has to make. One that could be life changing. But if we live in fear of choices that are not yet before us, then we miss out on the opportunities that life has to offer. If we base our decisions, afraid of the What if's then we may never truly experience life to the fullest. The phrase "cross that bridge when we come to it" is full of truth. You cannot cross a bridge if it is not before you. One of the things I feel that God is working in me is not living in fear of what the future might hold. The future is indefinite. We do not know what the next hour, minute or second might bring. I do believe in Carpe Deim, or Live for the Day - but I like to add my own ending. Live for the Day, but in the Light of Christ. If we do that then we certainly have nothing to fear. If we're walking in Faith then we should have the assurance that no matter what happens, we stand on the Rock that will not crumble.

***For those interested in reading the character studies in Of Mice and Men, here's the link.

http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/micemen/canalysis.html***

Worlds

So I did it. I competed at Worlds. And it was a GREAT experience. Even though I lost the match, I learned a couple of things. First, I have a LONG way to go training wise. Second, I need to be diligent about staying within the right weight class. And third, and probably most importantly, it's only a competition and as long as I go in there with the right attitude, nothing else matters.

The girl I fought was really good. She outweighed me by 15-20 pounds at the least and pretty much dominated the entire match. Good for her! However, at the end, she had this smug attitude which I did not appreciate at all. But it is what it is. I went in there and did my best. That's all anyone could have asked of me. I'll get them next year  :) :)